THE ART OF DIANE IRBY By Bethany Ruthven

Good evening, darlings, and thank you for reading. Welcome back to The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween, and this evening we take a small detour from our usual monster madness into the realm of fine arts. Darkened, of course, in the spirit of Halloween, don't you know.

I had the pleasure of chatting recently with the lovely Miss Diane Irby, artist-photographer and proprietor of Good Mourning Glory Studios, based in Detroit, Michigan. Miss Irby's grandly Gothic spectrum of graveyard photographs, collages, prints and artwork reveal a deliciously dark sentimentality that is the perfect counterpoint to the bright fall spirit of Halloween, and in our chat she shared some of her deepest thoughts with yours truly. Delight forthwith in the musings of Diane Irby as you read on.

Darling, thank you for participating in our little soiree. Please tell us about yourself and what you do.

Thanks for having me! Well, first and foremost, I'm a mom to two beautiful girls, Zoë and Trinity Rain, two very precocious kitty cats, Pumpkin and Shadow, and also a pretty red fish named Oskar. They keep me pretty busy but, in my spare time I like to create mixed-media artworks, make jewelry with postmortem photos from the 1800s, take photographs and express myself in any other sort of way that strikes me at the moment. I spent a lot of time this summer exploring and taking photographs of street art and abandoned places in the Detroit area and had the time of my life doing it! The weather is turning now though, so I'll be shifting my focus until the spring comes. Right now I'm working on several projects, including one I recently started called "After The Monsters", in which I create mixed-media pieces from photographs I've taken of ceramic portrait plaques found on tombstones in the many cemeteries I've visited over the past few years. In this case "Monsters" are symbolic of Life and what it can do to us. I find the posed "smile" portrait fascinating, as it reveals really so very little about its subject… or perhaps so very much.

What inspired you to become an artist? What inspires your work?

I was inspired to become an artist because I really just couldn't contain my love of the beauty in what most people consider "dark" any longer. I felt the need to reveal to others that longing, pain, loneliness.. that craziness you feel when you can't be with someone you adore - it's all a derivative of the very thing we are put here for, our very purpose - to feel love and to be loved. I think Charles Baudelaire said it best, "I can barely conceive of a type of beauty in which there is no melancholy."

Of course some of my art is just for fun, but I tend to have a running "theme", although not intentionally. I'd have to say what inspires my work the most is my knowledge of and deep connection to the fact that one day all of this will be gone, and eventually everything and everyone will just become a memory.

Indeed. Do you have any artists who have influenced your photography and artwork?

Well, my two favorite artists would have to be Salvador Dali and Andy Warhol - both for very different reasons. I wouldn't say that either one has directly influenced the content of my work, but they've definitely inspired me to just feel free to express myself and not worry what others think, and to see art everywhere and in everything, and to incorporate it in everything that I do - to not just make art, but to live art.

A most eloquent statement, Miss Irby. But your photographs seem to indicate a fascination with cemeteries. Can you elaborate? Is there a historical interest?

(Smiles) I get that a lot actually. A lot of people seem to think that I have a fascination with death because I love cemeteries. But really, I have a fascination with life. Death is just a chapter in life. To some it is the final chapter, to others a segue into another kind of existence.

No historical significance for me, the dead just make the best company if you ask me. They are truly at peace - a state that is nearly impossible to achieve while you're living. Walking through a cemetery gives me the feeling of no worry, no pain, no stress, no fear. I leave a cemetery feeling refreshed and recharged and ready to make the most of the life that I've been given.

I know that our Mad Doctor owns a few of your prints. Where may we find your work?

Right now is actually a very exciting time for me because I have a new website, dianeirby.com, launching soon; hopefully by or before the first of the year! But in the meantime, you can find me on Facebook at facebook.com/TheArtofDianeIrby. Right now my artwork is available directly from me, or from my shop goodmourningglory.etsy.com.

You apparently own your own hearse. How did you acquire this lovely vehicle?

Well, I don't want to bore you with the whole story but... I'd always wanted one since I was a little girl. For a few years I'd been looking on Ebay and Craigslist, just window shopping, thinking to myself that I'd never really have one. Until this past year when I turned 39 and decided that I would have one before I turned 40 - that this was one of those things that I was just going to have to make happen. So I did. I found her on Craigslist about an hour away. She'd been parked behind a barn for several years, but when I put a new battery in and primed the carburetor she started right up! So I drove her home on rotting tires with rotting hoses and belts and she did me just fine! Next day I took her in to get all that replaced and she's been a gem since!

OK, she's a little rough on the eyes but I love her like that!! In fact, she just won her first "How In The Hell Did You Make It Here?" award this past weekend! She also was part of a new World Record for longest hearse parade on September 17th in Hell, Michigan--number 41 out of 51 hearses! People ask me all the time when I'm going to get her painted, but I'm not. I'm going to have her lightly sandblasted to take away any peeling paint and then sealed just the way she is to keep her creepy always!

Delightful. What is your favorite memory of Halloween?

My favorite memory of Halloween...? Oh, it's so hard to choose! You know, each year is just as special as the last, I don't think I can decide! It's truly my most favorite holiday of the year! There's no pressure; it's just fun! My most favorite thing to do on Halloween is pass out candy. I love seeing all the costumes and especially the little kids who are trying to figure out "Is all this creepy scariness OK?" and then watching them discover that yes, it is! Thankfully there are still a lot of families that come out for Halloween in my neighborhood and they know I like to give out only the best candy to my trick-or-treaters!

Thanks again for having me! So lovely to chat with you, Bethany!

I assure you, the pleasure is all mine, and thank you for sharing with us, darling!

Diane Irby's work is available at her shop on Etsy, which can be accessed by clicking our title link above. Do ramble through her online studios and view her beautiful works, and do return soon for our next installment of The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween. I believe I shall prepare a nice cup of dark chocolate cocoa (spiked with a good B-positive, which is just the perfect blood-type as it doesn't disturb that wonderful coffee-esque bitterness) and view the gallery in Castle Ruthven. There's a spot on the wall near the alcove that's needing a print...

Regards,
Bethany Ruthven

NOTE: We extend special thanks to Diane Irby for allowing us not only to interview her, but allowing the use of much artwork for this post. All the prints shown here can be found at Good Mourning Glory Studios; merely click the link above to arrange a purchase. --B.R.

RETCHING EXCESS: ANALYZING AMERICAN HORROR STORY By John Rose

By now, I'm sure most of you have either seen, read or heard about American Horror Story, the new show on FX that is the creation of Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk (who also created Nip/Tuck and Glee). In its initial two episodes, AHS has proven to be very adult, extremely unnerving, chock-full of dark, twisted imagery, and so uncharacteristically excessive (for TV) in its horror that it is officially unlike any other horror series currently on TV. It has also proven to be extremely polarizing: you will either love this show or hate it. While that is true, I'm not convinced that it's all that simple, so here's my analysis.

"For sale--cheap." Wonder why?

We're a happy family... Not.

The first episode of American Horror Story begins in 1978, when two redhaired twin boys that my generation would have called "little snots" among other things, enter an enormous and dilapidated old mansion in L.A. to vandalize the place. Before entering, they encounter a small girl with Down's Syndrome who warns them, "You are going to die in there." Of course, they don't heed the warning, and they work their way through the house to the basement, where they find shelves full of specimen jars, skeletons, and lab equipment--and something else, which proceeds to kill them both. Proceed forward to today, where the Harmon family, consisting of therapist/teacher Ben (Dylan McDermott), his wife Vivian (Connie Britton) and their daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga) move from Boston to L.A. in an attempt to save their family: Vivian is a victim of a miscarriage, Ben has dealt with the situation by having an affair with one of his students, and Violet is going through a protracted "misfit" phase (which, we see later on, is manifesting in a bullying problem, extreme self-loathing and cutting herself). The house that they buy is, of course, the old You're Going To Die In There house, which has been restored. Of course, the real estate broker does reveal that the house was once the site of a double murder-suicide, and there is, of course, an Air Of Foreboding about the place.

Cue supernatural mayhem, right? Well, yeah. Duh.

Except that it really isn't that simple. The house has been a site for murder and mayhem of old, which means that there is a lot more going on here, a lot more to come, and a lot of ghosts, and even though the first episode takes you by the neck and doesn't quit until the end, it still expects you to hang around and find out what's going on. Creators Murphy and Falchuk have already stated that the entire opening-credits sequence is rife with clues that have to do about what the house really is and what went on there, so any puzzle-lovers among you who went wild over Twin Peaks and The X-Files should be set for AHS's initial 13 episodes.

The Gimp Suit

Constance

Moira...

and... Moira?

Tate

Larry

As previously stated, the house is rife with ghosts, one of which appears to be haunting a leather gimp-suit found in the attic, which was left behind by the previous owners. Though we know full well the house is haunted almost from the beginning, part of the interest of AHS is trying to figure out who of the numerous outsiders (who approach the Harmon family for one reason or another) is actually a ghost, since they all appear connected in some way to the house. Besides the Gimp Suit, there is the very batty and elegantly vulgar next-door neighbor, Constance (Jessica Lange) and her "mongoloid" daughter Adelaide (Jamie Brewer), who is also the little girl from the beginning of Episode 1, who seem to be able to enter the house whenever they like. Soon after the Harmons move in, Vivian hires Moira (Frances Conroy and Alexandra Breckenridge), the mysterious "former housekeeper" who appears as a middle-aged woman to everyone else but as a seductive garter-clad young temptress to Dan. Dan must also deal with his latest patient Tate (Evan Peters) an intelligent and frighteningly disturbed young man who is developing a very twisted and dangerously mentoring relationship to Farmiga's broken, self-loathing Violet, and a strange, badly burned man named Larry (Denis O'Hare) who is a former owner of the house, which drove him to murder his wife and children by fire. Though all these characters initially seem to have malicious intent toward the Harmons, Constance prevents Dan from performing a deed similar to Larry's murder in the first episode, and in Episode 2 Tate, Constance and Moira protect the Harmons from police interference and possible incarceration by cleaning up the aftermath of a night of terror in the house when Dan is away and Vivian and Violet are terrorized by three murderous devotees of a serial killer who committed a double murder in the house in 1968. This suggests that whatever the house's final endgame is, it may be that not all the "ghosts" want to do serious harm to the Harmons, and perhaps some of them are even seeking redemption.

Vivian

Violet

Dan

And despite the continuous bombardment of disturbing and horrific images (some of which are cliches of long-standing in horror, but done quite stylistically overall), the real horror of AHS lies not in the spooks but the suffering and despair of the Harmons, who are trying desperately to repair their family unit and their broken relationships. Vivian is having trouble forgiving Dan for abandoning her after her miscarriage and cheating on her with his student; Dan is angry at Vivian for shutting him out after the miscarriage and deals with terrible guilt over his infidelity, and Violet hates both of them for not being strong enough to either repair their marriage or leave it behind. All of this is key to really understanding what is at the bottom of AHS, and while it is presented in what might be considered a "typical" manner (anyone who has ever read even a bit of Stephen King's novels will have a working understanding of this plot point), the ghosts are secondary to the Harmons' struggle despite exacerbating it to some degree (especially Alex Breckenridge's side of Moira, who almost drives Dan around the bend in Episode 1). FX president John Landgraf stated in a recent TV Guide interview, "I do think there's an audience that wouldn't go to contemporary horror films in the theater that will really like this show if they give it a try," and the Harmons' quest to rebuild their family and leave their own personal horror behind could be seen as evidence of this. Thus, while horror fans will see nearly every cliche in the book in Episode 1, it could be viewed as a sort of primer for the curious non-horror fan: this is what to expect.

Vamp Moira: Hotter than hell

Is it excessive? Yes, but not in the sense of explosive, gut-wrenching gore or thoughtless murder (or the mayhem that much of After Dark Films or the 8 Films To Die For Horrorfest desperately wants to be, and touts itself as being). AHS's murders are horrific, but only as is necessary, and creators Murphy and Falchuk have already developed a reputation for delivering over-the-top excess in their shows (as can be viewed by one musical number of Glee or one operation scene in Nip/Tuck), so it comes as no surprise that AHS is off the rails in its imagery, sexuality and profanity. This is one for the adults, as evidenced by its time slot and frequent butt shots of Dylan McDermott (who does much of the nudity in the first episode), the seduction of Vivian by the Gimp Suit (who may have impregnated her) and the squirm-inducing, almost perverse vamping of Breckenridge as Moira.

So for my own part, I shall follow this to its end, despite the excess, cliches, slightly wooden acting (of which McDermott is especially guilty), and the time being used to set up the overall story, which from what I am reading in reviews seems to be what is really bothering most reviewers: that someone would take 13 episodes to tell a story that could be told in one two-hour movie (or perhaps a series of same). While American Horror Story will not give up its secrets so easily, one has to consider the reality of the current television horror landscape. This will most likely be the final season for the beloved Winchesters of Supernatural (who do seem despite CW's best efforts to be growing long in the tooth), and while Vampire Diaries and Secret Circle come from material that is above-the-norm by comparison to other teen horror, there is a definite sense that we should know the drill simply by virtue of paying attention to the last few years of pop culture phenomena. By comparison with those examples, American Horror Story is, very definitely, unlike anything else on TV.

American Horror Story airs each Wednesday on FX at 10:00 PM (9:00 Central), so check your local listings for times. The first episode can be watched here at the FX site (second episode should follow shortly). PARENTAL ADVISORY: NOT FOR KIDS.

ATTACK OF THE HORROR HOSTS: WEIRD WEB THEATER WITH THE MOD GHOUL By Frankie Franken

Hello, everybody, and welcome to The MonsterGrrls' THIR13EN FOR HALLOWEEN 2011! I'm Frankie Franken, your friendly neighborhood Creature-Grrl next door, and in addition to our usual fun and frights, this year we're showcasing the Attack Of The Horror Hosts, those great people who host all our favorite horror movies on TV, the Internet, and everywhere! Today I'm talking with Pennsylvania's Mod Ghoul, an interesting (and British) Undead who is the host of Weird Web Theater, which is exclusively on the Internet. Despite being a ghoul, he turned out to be a really nice person as well, so here's my chat with Mod Ghoul.

Welcome to THE MONSTERGRRLS’ THIR13EN FOR HALLOWEEN! Please tell us a bit about yourself and what you do!

Thank you for inviting me. I'm the Mod Ghoul, and I am a horror host. I have two shows, Weird Web Theater that can be seen on Facebook and Youtube, and Fright Club that can be seen on the Monster Channel. I introduce horror movies and just have fun with all my viewers. I try to find some kind of message or lesson to be learned from the films I show. It's just all good fun.

Sounds neat! How did you decide to become a horror host, and what inspired you to do this?

I grew up watching Uncle Ted's Ghoul School here in Northeastern Pennsylvania. I always felt this would be a fun job to have, but never knew how I could do it. Years later I created a group on Facebook called Tingler TV, a group for all who love horror. Through this group I got to know a lot of the other horror hosts around the country, one in particular being A. Ghastlee Ghoul. I found how easy it would be to be a horror host, so a dream was realized. I put together my show and here I am.

Yet another example of Mad Science at work! So tell us a little about Weird Web Theater. Do you ever show any special movies for the Halloween season?

Weird Web Theater is unique in its form. We use movies that are available on YouTube and provide a link to these movies on Facebook and YouTube. We have gotten quite a following for the show. As far as movies for the Halloween season, we treat every day as Halloween but you've given me a great idea for what to do for this wonderful time of year. (Thanks, Frankie!)

Well, you're very welcome! But what is your favorite horror film?

The first horror movie I ever remember seeing was The Wolfman, so that is very near and dear to me. But I also have to add Horror Hotel with Christopher Lee--another film I grew up with that has never lost it's creepiness. It is such a great film, so tied for my favorites would have to be The Wolfman and Horror Hotel.

For my readers, that one's also known as City Of The Dead, and we have both in the Monster Shop film collection. What's your reaction to the enormous round of horror-movie remakes that Hollywood is doing? Are there any that you think are better than the original?

Well I believe in the saying, "If it ain't broke don't fix it." Creativity is dead in Hollywood. All these filmmakers are just trying to make a buck and have given up on creativity. I have not seen a lot of these films because how much better could it be than the original? I did enjoy Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween. A lot of people hated it because it humanized Michael Myers too much. To them he was scarier as a mindless killing machine, which I can understand, but I like going into the mind of a killer to see what makes him do what he does. That's just me, and that is what Zombie did with his version. It's all a matter of opinion really. All in all, why try to improve on something that is fine as it is? It's just a money making scheme.

What does Halloween--not the film, but the holiday--mean to you?

Halloween is such a magical time where we can be anything we want to be. It's a release from the mundane world we live in. It is magic in its creepiness and I love it.

Describe a favorite Halloween memory.

I have many, like going to this old farmhouse where the guy who answered the door had a hook for a hand and said he didn't know what Halloween was. Interesting, and his dog almost bit off my cousin's hand! But I have to say, all the times trick or treating with my kids have to be the memories I hold near and dear to me. My kids love Halloween as much as I do, so it's magic to be able to share that with them.

Thanks again, Frankie, for taking the time to talk with me. I have really enjoyed myself.

Thank you for talking to me as well, and Happy Halloween!

And if you readers will click on the various links through our interview, you can find out more information on the Mod Ghoul and his endeavors. The Monster Channel can be found by clicking our title link. Be back soon for more of The MonsterGrrls' THIR13EN FOR HALLOWEEN, because we're just getting started!

Sincerely,

Francesca "Frankie" Franken

EASY-BAKE COVEN: PEANUT BUTTER CUP COOKIES By Punkin Nightshade

Well, hey there, and Happy Halloween to y'all! This is Petronella Nightshade, what am Punkin, and we done got round to The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween again. I will be bringin you some more recipes what's good for the Halloween season and such, and I shall also be doin some more of that talkin to Halloween folks like we been doin before. But today, I am doin the Easy-Bake Coven.
This here recipe come to us by way of Mistress Rebecca Bishop out of Oxford, MS, and I swan that they don't get no simpler than this. You'd have to walk a midnight mile on bad road through half of Witchhazel Swamp afore you'd find somethin easier. I'm thinkin you should make a whole mess of them, though, cause everbody loves them Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and these do go fast if you put em out at a Halloween party.

What You Need:
A big roll of that refrigerated peanut butter cookie dough (you can get this at airy grocer's, or that Wal-Mart or Target, what they call them "big box" stores, even though I ain't seen no big boxes for sale in any of them)
A whole bunch of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (You can find them sold in a pack in the same establishments what I just mentioned, most times.)
One of the tiny muffin tins what makes tiny muffins, or airy old cookie sheet

What You Got To Do:
Warm up your oven to 350 degrees. Open up that refrigerated dough and divide it up into small portions for as many as you wish to make. Put one portion (flatten it out to fit) into each part of the muffin tin. Bake these up for 9 minutes. While they are bakin, start unwrappin the peanut butter cups, and have them ready.

When you take the cookies out the oven, pop a peanut butter cup on top of each cookie first thing. The cup will melt up a little bit cause of the hot cookie, which is just fine. Set them aside to cool completely, then put them out on the table and stand back so's you don't get run over. Make sure you have set aside some for you, cause you won't get none if you don't. I reckon you should use the little bite-size peanut butter cups with the ones in the muffin tin and the big ones for them what's on the cookie sheet.

Now as I said, this here recipe was about makin everthing easy, cause if you celebrate Halloween like we do round here then you are probly some kind of busy. But there is folks what has got a bee in their bonnet about that refrigerated cookie dough, so here is a peanut butter cookie recipe from Mistress Claudia White what's in Greenwood, MS, what ought to work fine for you if you is one of them fussy cooks.

What You Need:
1/2 cup of butter, softened (one stick)
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup plain white granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar (pack this down good)
1 egg
1 1/4 cup self-rising flour (if all you have is plain flour, add 3/4 teaspoon baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder, and 1/4 teaspoon salt and mix it in good)

What You Got To Do:Warm up your oven to 375 degrees. Mix the butter, peanut butter, the sugars and the egg with thoroughty. Blend in your flour until it makes up a dough, cover it and chill it in the refrigerator for a bit. Then start doin the same old thing with the muffin tin and such, but make sure you grease the tin or sheet lightly first. Bake these for 10 to 12 minutes or until they're set up but not hard, then pull them out and pop on your peanut butter cups, and take the same precautions what I told you afore.

So that there ought to satisfy everbody, and these cookies will sure satisfy your party guests. I am goin now, but be sure you come on back for what we are doin next for The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween, cause we has got every sort of ruckus planned up and it shall be a crackerjack. Blessings be on you and yours this Halloween season!

Sincerely,
Petronella "Punkin" Nightshade

ATTACK OF THE HORROR HOSTS: JOHN DIMES AND DOCTOR SARCOFIGUY By Bethany Ruthven

Good evening, darlings, and thank you for reading. The year has come round again, and I welcome you all to this year's edition of The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween, where we are showcasing the Attack Of The Horror Hosts! This evening's interview is with a most interesting gentleman named John Dimes, who also seems to be known as the bizarre yet befuddled Dr. Sarcofiguy, host of Spooky Movie Television, which screens short films from the Spooky Movie International Horror Film Festival in Washington, D.C. In addition to SMT, Mr. Dimes is also an author, performer, humorist, and graphic designer with several works to his credit--something of a Renaissance man among his horror host brethen. I had the pleasure of interviewing Mr. Dimes to get the full story on his work and his real connection with the mysterious Dr. Sarcofiguy, so I invite you to join us as we begin our Halloween party for 2011, and listen in to my chat with Mr. Dimes. Or is it actually Dr. Sarcofiguy? Read on...

Darling, thank you so much for participating in THE MONSTERGRRLS' THIR13EN FOR HALLOWEEN. Please tell us about yourself and what you do.

My name is Elmer Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht!

You sodding well aren’t. Cheeky bugger.

(Laughs) Er--wait, wait. My name is John Dimes, and I'm a Writer/Graphic Designer/Songwriter/Entertainer. I used to perform stand up comedy, which meant I was funny in front of people. Now I'm funny behind people's back. Occasionally I'm funny smellin'. The level of my olfactory offenses depends, of course, on the season (I love the winter! You have to be pretty pungent to smell stuff in the Winter), and how much it rains. That hurricane Irene had me smelling like damp earth and fallen rose trellises for several weeks.

I've also been in several bands. My favorite: STUDS U.K. Mind you, I'm not British, and neither were my band mates. But we were undeterred.

I see. Well, I have spoken at length with my sources, and we understand you have connections to a mysterious, eccentric and possibly fictional gentleman named Dr. W. E. B. Sarcofiguy. Can you elaborate and otherwise account for his character?

Dr. Sarcofiguy is just a gentle, fez-wearin' country doctor with a predilection for horror films. For the past 15 or so years, he's been host of both The Spooky Movie Show and Spooky Movie Television. He's guest appeared on such charming programs as Creature Feature with the legendary Count Gore De Vol on countgore.com, and he's been on Monster Madhouse Live with host Karlos Borloff. Dr. Sarcofiguy has also been featured in several documentaries: Virginia Creepers, American Scary, and the ever charmin' Every Other Day Is Halloween. Heck, he's even been featured in several magazines like Fangoria, Horror Hound, and Rue Morgue Magazine. He's an attention whore wrapped in a phenomal phenomenalisation of a phenom, I tell ya!

Here's a little known fact about Doctor Sarcofiguy: He's a qualified sex therapist.

(After a long stare and raised eyebrow) Really.

Yes. He likes to counsel folks in the aftermath of a rotten romp in the hay. He loves getting calls. That is until one time when he was counseling someone over the phone about a particularly dismal episode. The young lady in question was going on and on about how bad it was, when the police broke through the line to explain that the phone call was coming from inside his own house!

Hmmm. Well, we understand that he has a female stalker with romantic designs--who is this mystery woman?

Ah, the mystery lady in question is the adorable Boo DePest as played by the equally adorable Leanna Chamish. Doctor Sarcofiguy, for some odd reason, spurns the advances of the lovely Boo DePest. Why, you can cut the sexual tension between the two with a sexual tension cutter, which I'm heard is available rather inexpensively through QVC! I think George Foreman is a sponsor! He's so industrious, that George Foreman.

The esteemed Dr. Sarcofiguy apparently co-wrote a book with you entitled There Are No Bad Movies (Only Bad Audiences). What is this book about?

It's just like it sounds: There aren't any bad movies, only rotten, or unsuitable audiences for them. Movies are like finding a potential love interest: There's something, or somebody, for everybody!

There Are No Bad Movies (Only Bad Audiences) was basically inspired by every spoiled rotten filmgoer I've ever known. They complain about the plots, and characters, about being too much action, or too little action, or being too long. My philosophy: The movie isn't too long, it's just that you got bored and ran out of patience to sit through it. It's your fault you're not enjoying the movie. The movie is what it is. A piece of entertainment. If you're in the mood to be entertained by it, then awesome.

The book was written to make people take responsibility for why they really can't stand a movie. Because there are snobs out there who won't stop until only the movies they like exist, leaving people who actually enjoy flicks like the recent Conan film, or the spate of remakes, or movies like Human Centipede, to cower their heads in shame at their cinematic choices! Critics should never make a person feel as though they should crucify themselves, or explain their tastes to anyone! For shame, I say. Dr. Sarcofiguy's statement to this: "Smacking you is the sound of one hand clapping!"

Well, quite. But you—or rather, both of you—can be called horror hosts, and "horror host" has many definitions. What is yours?

My definition of a horror host is simply a being who is like a Master of Ceremonies. He/she should be just as entertaining as the films they are showing. And if the film isn't entertaining, then you should psyche folks up to enjoy it nonetheless. A horror host should be a complimentary experience to the films shown.

You have other creative projects. Will you please share?

Well, Dr. Sarcofiguy has an album called DOCTOR SARCOFIGUY- The Many Moods of Dr. Sarcofiguy, which is available as an MP3 exclusively through Amazon.com! There are songs about werewolves, vampires, and serial killers. And songs of love! Yesss. There are two music videos available for perusing on Youtube. One for "My Girlfriend Is On Fire," and the other "Nosferatu" which features the charming Boo DePest.

I also have a comic entitled Gurlimann’s Bizarre Bazaar (available through Indy Planet, or wherever comics are sold!) which features a horror host, of sorts, named Evelyn Gurlimann. It's for the David Lynch/Edward Gorey/Emily the Strange crowd. There are promo videos for Gurlimann’s on Youtube. Hell, I have a Youtube channel featuring a lot of promotional art and such.

Interesting. What is your viewpoint on the current state of horror cinema?

I'm so loving the grindhouse resurgence in films. Hobo With a Shotgun was amazing. And I'm enjoying some of the reboots of films. I thought Fright Night was an excellent revisit. It was true to the original, while being a thing unto itself. And the acting was incredible. I also enjoy the films that still rely on your own story/sensibilities as your enter into the theater, like the first Paranormal Activity film. And I like those old-school-creepy but intelligent films like Insidious.

So I guess I'm saying that the current state of films is doing just fine. They seem to be trying to make them intelligent and scary without being overtly "torture gore," you know? Like the Saw films. I wasn't a very good audience for those films. But God bless those who love 'em, though! (See how it works?!)

Neither was I, although I found the first one a most interesting presentation, and I certainly would deny no one else their cinematic pleasures. But in light of the season, what is your favorite Halloween memory?

My favorite Halloween memory is me making devil head ornaments out of papier-mache for my first Halloween tree. That was about, um--five years ago! My childhood memories of Halloween were a blur of bad Ben Cooper masks cutting into my eyes, because the rubber bands bound the masks too tightly to my skull! Oh, and all the sweat streaming into my eyes because the plastic never let your pores breathe! And the fact that I was a little black kid wearing this incongruently white face! Too Hannibal Lecter for me! Hee!

What will you do for Halloween this year?

Put up the Halloween tree, carve pumpkins, and contemplate looking at at least two out of the three movies I like looking at on Halloween: Halloween III: Season Of The Witch, I, Madman, or Torture Garden. Mind you, I tend to look at them all year long, but it's even more special on Halloween. Especially Halloween III!

A most proper seasonal celebration indeed. It’s been lovely, Mr. Dimes, and thank you very much for doing this with us!

No problem! Thanks for the invite, y'all! Stay Crepusculariously Creepy!

So there is my chat with Mr. Dimes, and if you will click on the various links throughout our interview, you will find more information on all his various projects and a few other delights as well. I think I shall curl up with a spooky movie myself before our next visit, so do return for more fabulous frights on The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween. Be careful, darlings... it's getting dark earlier, don't you know...

Regards,
Bethany Ruthven

ATTACK OF THE HORROR HOSTS!! By John Rose

It's that time of fear again, folks!  The Grrls and I bid you welcome to the 2011 edition of The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween, and our first post for the Ghost Wonderful Time Of The Year is about a purely American but little-heralded art form--that of the Horror Host.  Yes, we are talking about those television presenters dressed in cheap Halloween costumes, being filmed on even cheaper sets, usually working late into the night at local TV stations, bringing you classic and not-so-classic scary movies of days gone by.  Some people hate them, other people love them, and still other people view them as either a way to pass the time before commercial breaks or an interruption of the movie that allows for gathering of snacks and drinks.  But the horror host has a long and varied history, and is credited with the advent of what is known as Monster Culture among a certain cross-section of the American population.

A Ghastly Grimoire: The "Shock" promo book cover

The first appearance of this phenomenon is open to debate, but it all began with the release of what is known as the "Shock!" package, a collection of 52 classic Universal Studios horror films released to syndicated television in October of 1957.  In the 1950's, most local TV stations produced their own programming, having booth announcers and hosts (or hostesses) introduce shows, read commercials, and so on.  Promotional documentation included with the Shock Package both suggested and encouraged the use of a TV presenter for broadcast, and the Shock Package wound up being shown on late-night TV with a costumed "horror" host, who engaged in all sorts of odd and macabre antics and dark-themed comedy.  The concept was met with great success, and soon "horror hosts" presenting the Shock Package popped up in local markets all across America.

The lady is a Vamp...

Though the identity of the "first" widely known horror host is open to debate, it is generally considered to be Vampira.  In 1953, struggling actress/model Maila Nurmi made a splash at choreographer Lester Horton's annual Bal Caribe Masquerade in Los Angeles, dressed in a Charles-Addams-inspired costume that caught the eye of local KABC-TV producer Hunt Stromberg, Jr.  After a frantic search by Stromberg to find Nurmi, she was hired to host horror and suspense movies as a character of her own creation; "Vampira," a graveyard sex goddess stitched together from bits of Theda Bara, Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs' Evil Queen character, and the comic strip Terry And The Pirates' Dragon Lady, with a bit of fetish-wear appeal thrown in.  Though Vampira was only seen in L.A., the ghostess soon gained national attention with articles and photos in Newsweek, Life, and TV Guide, leading to several appearances by Nurmi on nationwide TV shows such as Ed Sullivan's Toast Of The Town and The Red Skelton Show.

A handsome ghoul

Shortly thereafter came Zacherley, the next horror host to gain widespread attention.  In 1957, a Philadelphia-based repertory actor named John Zacherle was hired as a horror host for the Shock Package at WCAU-TV in Philadelphia.  Appearing as a cadaverous, undertakeresque character who lived in a crypt with his wife "My Dear," a staked midget-sized corpse in a coffin, and "Gasport," an unseen dead thing in a canvas sack, Zacherle garnered popularity through a series of gory-goofy sight gags that have since become a TV standard, but at the time were considered revolutionary.  Zacherle moved up to New York affiliate WOR-TV, where his character's name "Roland" was dropped  and replaced with a re-spelling of his own name--Zacherley.  The rest, of course, is history: Zacherley would go on to host horror movies well into the 1960's, create several horror-themed records (the most famous of these being the 1958 novelty single "Dinner With Drac") and even edit two collections of horror stories. 

John Stanley and Bob Wilkins--stay up, fans, it's worth it

Through the work of Vampira and Zacherley, Monster Culture, which more or less formed the first community of horror fans, was now live, and other hosts gained popularity, notoriety, and fond remembrances in their own markets and beyond.  The Shock Package would soon expand into the now well-known Creature Features package, which would not only include our old friends the Universal Monsters but also many classic science-fiction films, Roger Corman's B-movies starring Vincent Price, the Hammer horror films, and Japanese movie monsters, and the horror host phenomenon would include such notables as Cleveland's Ghoulardi and Sir Graves Ghastly; San Francisco's Bob Wilkins, who inspired and mentored Cinema Insomnia's Mr. Lobo; Washington, D.C.'s Count Gore De Vol, who inspired such hosts as Monster Madhouse's Karlos Borloff and Spooky Movie Television's Dr. Sarcofiguy; Virginia's The Bowman Body; and even Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark and Mystery Science Theater 3000.  The phenomenon extended to the Internet when Gore De Vol, removed from TV airwaves after his station's local programming was canceled in 1987, began to present weekly streaming video of movies and shorts hosted by the Count himself--and no doubt inspiring other horror fans who now share their passions in homemade videos posted on Youtube, Facebook, and other social media.

"No more Creature Features?  Bah!  I'll do it myself!"

And if you're a fan or follower of a local horror host, you've probably heard all this before.  So why are these characters--not only Vampira and Zacherley, but the other numerous hosts who sprang up in their wake--considered important?  Because they perform a worthwhile service to fans of horror--or even those who may not be fans--by drawing them in and making them a part of the show, rather than just being passive voyeurs sitting in the dark in front of a flickering screen.  Even more importantly, they foster a sense of community among their fans and other lovers of horror and the macabre, which is becoming more and more necessary in the wake of an entertainment industry that is becoming increasingly disconnected and out of touch with the public at large.  Not every horror fan is enamored of endless sequels, Eighties slasher remakes, and excessive gore and special effects masquerading as "horror," which makes the Hollywood media machine see them as odd men out.  Fortunately, the horror hosts are still with us, standing in the cold light of an open castle archway or the midnight fog of an abandoned graveyard, offering laughs, scares, and plain old entertainment to horror fans, sitting down with us to watch that certain old cheesy movie that awakens a strange affinity in us that we cannot explain, and wearing strange/cheap/creepy/colorful/campy/spooky/interesting/sexy/fill-in-the-adjective-of-your-choice-here costumes while doing it.  And sometimes they even bring friends.

So in addition to our usual news, reviews and Halloween goofiness, this year we open the Thir13en For Halloween with a salute to the Horror Hosts, and we hope you'll join us as we talk to several of these folks and see what makes them tick and why they do what they do.  And we hope you'll stick around.  You might even make some new fiends.

Happy Halloween out there, whatever you are!!


MAD DOCTOR'S NOTE:  E-Gor's Chamber of Horror Hosts, which has an exhaustive listing of horror hosts old and new, can be found here.  Also, the Horror Host Graveyard can be accessed by clicking our title link.  --J.R.