A friend of mine watches a late-night news show on Fox News called Redeye, which specialty seems to be extremely weird news and rather juvenile-humored commentary on same. It is hosted by a man named Greg Gutfeld, who is exactly the sort of person you wish someone would throw out of Applebee's so that you can get on with your evening. I do not hold this against my friend, as he is a wonderful person otherwise. And it was through Redeye that I first heard about the book that I'm talking about here; The Zen Of Zombie: Better Living Through The Undead, written by Scott Kenemore.
Yes, I'm serious, and apparently so is he. Kenemore's foray into the self-help/humor arena basically uses the modern zombie as the model for his outlined plan of a better lifestyle. It shows that a true zombie knows what it wants (brains) will forge a clear path to acquire its goal (brains), and by determination and single-mindedness, will eventually achieve its goal (braaaainnns). It lists the 24 habits of highly effective zombies (apparently the living don't work nearly as hard, seeing as we only have seven) and in general, recycles most well-known self-help material for satirical purposes.
Now, my general opinion of self-help books is that if you are buying and reading self-help books, you are most likely in dire need of assistance from a real live person with the credentials to do so. But I am sorely tempted to buy a copy of this, if for no other reason than to annoy the hell out of certain people I know. I'll let you know how it goes, but I am afraid that I'm not eating any brains, as they tend to be one of the fattiest organs in the body. Perhaps someone will write a book called The Vampire's Diet. They always seem to stay thin.
POST-MORTEM: If you're into zombie films this Halloween, you can certainly do better than watching Dawn Of The Dead for the hundredth time. Click here to read a post from a Grrl-friend of mine and learn how.