Monday, October 25, 2010


Hey, y'all, this here is Petronella Nightshade, what am called Punkin, and I am doin another interview for Tales From The Monster Shop. Today I am speakin with Mistress Penny Dreadful, what hosts one of them horror-picture shows called Penny Dreadful's Shilling Shockers, and I was interested in interviewin her as she is a witch like myself. I been told that she is actual someone name of Danielle Gelehrter and that she is just playin a witch on a television show, but she is from New England and that is where the town of Salem, Massachusetts is, and them of you what knows your American history knows that at one time a whole bunch of witches got up to didoes up there. And y'all know that ever now and then people mention that reincarnation, what is people dyin and then comin back as somebody else, and that ain't that far from that quantum theory which says that there ain't just one universe but a bunch of universes and that there is somethin different in ever one, and so everythin everwhere is all kind of goin round and round again, so it is not so much of a much to say that she is a witch named Penny Dreadful. And so since she is a witch and I am a witch, I was interested in talkin to her, so here is our interview what we done.

Blessings be on you, Mistress Dreadful, and thank you a bunch for joinin us on our Thir13en For Halloween. Can you tell us a bit about yourself and what you do?

I'm a television horror hostess and a 700-year-old witch. Each week, I present films from the grave on my program Penny Dreadful's Shilling Shockers. I'm adept at all manner of esoteric sorcery and can play a mean kazoo.

Well, Mistress Dreadful, I put it to you that you do not look a day over 250 and so therefore you are livin right. But I am curious: how does bein a witch make you qualified to host horror pictures? Does your knowledge of all kind of arcane and mystical whatnot help you choose the movin pictures you show?

Surely. As a centuries-old sorceress, I've taken a peek at the mystical nether-regions of this world, if you will. I know of the true supernatural terror that is woven into the very fabric of the world's greatest horror films. Unfortunately I can't afford to show those films, so I show public domain movies instead.

Well, them movin picture studios do take a bite when it comes to them royalties. But we all like them horror pictures round here. What was the first horror picture you ever saw?

The first horror film I can distinctly remember watching is the 1931 Dracula.

Now that's a right smart. I have read up on you some, and you show a lot of them classic horror pictures on your television show. Tell me, do you think that modern horror done got too serious about itself?
This is a broad question and it's difficult to answer unless we define "modern horror." By "modern horror" do you mean anything made in the post-Vietnam era? Or do you mean horror films made in the past 10-20 years - stuff like Hostel and Saw? You see, there's a lot of modern horror I really don't like. I'm not sure that it's because it takes itself too seriously. Most of the great classic horrors took themselves seriously as well. To some extent, these films must take themselves seriously if we are to completely suspend our disbelief as viewers. Part of my issue with "modern horror" is its incessant "need" for naturalism, its shoddy stories, and its bland nihilism. Gone is the sense of wonder. Gone is the sublime feeling of the supernatural. There is little suspense, the pacing is frenetic, and, worst of all, we are often presented with unsympathetic characters. There are no heroes in these films. It's all rather depressing, and I quite honestly don't derive any pleasure from these types of films. Now, to clarify, I'm absolutely not referring to "all horror films made in the past 30 years" here. There are many wonderful horror pictures I've enjoyed from the last three decades. I'm referring to a specific strain of horror that has permeated the mass consciousness.

And you have spoken a truth, cause I don't like them old nasty horror pictures neither. But tell me about your werewolf friend Garou. How did you meet up with him?

Garou is my werewolf husband and henchbeast. He speaks in snarls and growls and is quite the excitable fellow. Garou actually brought me back from the grave a few hundred years ago. It was sometime in the 1600s as I recall. One night he found an old portrait of me. I had been burned at the stake and was dead at the time, you see. Well, that lycanthromantic Garou fell madly in love with my painting, and howled mournfully at the moon every night after finding it. After much searching, Garou learned of a forbidden rite. He proceeded to initiate the strange ritual and his actions resulted in my return from beyond. It was love at first fright. We had a mad monster party of a wedding. It was a lot of fun until King Kong showed up and... well, let's just say I'm still annoyed at the big ape.

Now that there will show that true love will find a way. But since it is the season, let me ask you somethin about Halloween. What does Halloween mean to you?
Halloween is a time of wonder and mystery. It's a time when dead leaves blow in the wind and the smell of autumn fills the night. It's a magical time when jack o' lanterns leer at passersby and the scent of candy is all around. Halloween is a spooky time when kids run around in scary costumes to hide themselves from the spirits of the night. I love, love, love All Hallows Eve.

That's awful pretty. What happened on your most memorable Halloween?

My most memorable Halloween was the one where I had to join forces with fellow horror host Dr. Gangrene in order to save the holiday from ruination!

Well, ain't that somethin! You have got up to some didoes before, I swan. But what will you be doin for Halloween this year?

Well, I'll be celebrating with the other witches and warlocks in the dark forests of Haunted New England, of course. After that, I'm dressing up as a ghost and giving out candy to the kiddies. Lastly, I'll make my annual broom ride across the night sky. It's going to be a busy night for fright!

Well, thank you for speakin with me, Mistress Dreadful. Blessings be on you, and Happy Halloween to you!

Happy Halloween!

So that there is my interview with Mistress Penny Dreadful, who is a good horror hostess and a good witch to boot. And if you will click on the title link of this here postin, it will take you to her website where you can find out more about Mistress Dreadful, her feller Garou, her television show, and ever kind of thing. I am hopin you will all be joinin us soon for what shall happen next on The MonsterGrrls' Thir13en For Halloween, and that you are preparin to have the best Halloween ever. See you next time, and blessings be on you!

Petronella "Punkin" Nightshade