31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN AFTERMATH: THE END CREDITS

A Personal Message From The Mad Doctor

And so it ends. For now, anyway.

This is the first time we have ever attempted to blog for an entire month straight, and we are proud to say that we did it. Every day we found something new to talk about, and we even found unexpected support and made new friends.

In the future, we're going to try to post more often on the Harbinger, not just to tell you our stuff but also to give you more news on some of the horror and monster-related stuff that we enjoy. Bethany is shutting down her Pitiless Observations column to give more straightforward reviews, and she has graciously allowed the other Grrls to join her permanently, because all of them really enjoyed writing to you this month. (Especially Punkin.) And what are we gonna do next year? Well, to quote Bethany, that would be telling. But there will be a new post here soon.

We also have some others we would like to thank, who made our 31 Days Of Halloween so special:

• Simon McCorkindale of Mary Shelley Overdrive.
• Ray Keim, the Ghost Host of Haunted Dimensions.
• The webmaster/Keeper of ATOMIC MONSTERS.
• Ray O'Bannon, the mayor of Ravensblight.
• The Young Werewolves, who have just unleashed their new redesigned website on the world.
  

And special thanks go to all of my family, friends and ardent supporters, including Claudia and Charlie White, the West Family (Greg, Kay, Zephyr and Katie-Brooke) Sandi and Seth Wheatley, Chris Brown, Charla Miley, Bob Collins, the Missisippi Writers' Guild (both state and local) and the whole of our Facebook FANG CLUB Members, and all other FANG CLUB Members everywhere!

And as Harriet would say, that's all for that... but just wait until next year!

END
(ROLL UP! ROLL UP!)

31 DAYS LATER

Today is the last celebration day of Day Of The Dead, or Dia De Los Muertos. This is an annual Mexican holiday in which friends and family gather to celebrate the memories of those who have died, and it usually occurs after Halloween, taking up the first and second days of November. Families will gather at cemeteries with homemade altars that have sweets (usually sugar skulls), marigolds, and favorite foods and beverages of the departed. They believe that during this time, it's easier for the dead to hear the prayers of the living, and hope to encourage visits by the departed, in order that they may hear the prayers and remembrances of their loved ones.

We of European descent celebrate these as well. They are called All Saints Day and All Souls Day, and it's not unusual for some of us to take off work and go to the cemetery with candles and flowers for those we remember. Some even give their children gifts and sweets on this day.

I suppose that for the past few weeks now, I've been doing some of this myself. A friend of mine died recently, and some other friends and I have been cleaning out her house for her brother, who lives in Philadelphia. During that time as we sorted things and cleaned and straightened, we remembered her and talked about things she did and enjoyed. We didn't build an altar or anything, but we remembered our friend.

I look at these things that others do to remember their dead, and I think of all the times we've seen people speak out against Halloween, showing us its pagan origins, telling us it's a demon's holiday, and so on. I can't deny that the season has a shadowed past, but I also can't deny that sometimes we need to have wonder and mystery in our lives. We need a taste, if only a taste, of ghosts and monsters, of horror and death, to remind us that life is fleeting and that it can be done with before we know it, to remind us of what true evil is. Sometimes evil happens not because someone makes a deal with the devil or because someone builds a monster in a castle laboratory, but because people don't remember.

My departed friend sent me cards with a message every year for most major holidays, including Halloween. She also sent me a message in her death, which was to try to remember. Not just the bad things, but the good things too. I hope that in the future, I can do a better job of this. I will try.

In pace requiescat.

For the memory of Barbara Miles. Memento mori.

HALLOWEEN: From Carpenter To Zombie--A Not-So-Comparative Review

Well, gang, today is officially Halloween, and I'll quote my Creature-Grrl Frankie and say, Hello, everybody! I can tell you, this has been a ball and a half for all of us in the Monster Shop. Today for our last official post for The MonsterGrrls' 31 Days Of Halloween, I'm going to discuss one of the long-time favorites of this beloved holiday: the movie Halloween.

The horror movie, after being initially reviled in its early years, is now a perennial. From the German-Impressionist-influenced Grand Guignol theatre of The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari to the celebrated and revered Gothic offerings of Universal Studios and England's Hammer Films, to the suspense, shock and terror of slasher films such as Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho and Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, to today's offerings such as the Japanese-inspired The Ring and The Grudge and the intricate killing machines of the new Saw series, horror has become a driving force in the entertainment industry and the creative world. H. P. Lovecraft once stated that "the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear," and it is possible that he was on to something.

Though many people watch them any time of the year, horror movies are most popular around Halloween. In 1978, horror fans got their own personal holiday film when John Carpenter released Halloween, a bogeyman story of a killer named Michael Myers who is described as "pure evil" by Dr. Sam Loomis, a psychiatrist who tracks the escaped Myers from the mental hospital where he has been incarcerated since 1963 to the town of Haddonfield, Illinois, where Myers, then six years old, first murdered his older sister Judith on Halloween night. Halloween went on to become one of Hollywood's most profitable independent films, becoming enthusiastically accepted into horror canon and spawning a number of "slash-alikes" in addition to six sequels and two other films that supposedly "ended" the series, Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later (written specifically for the audience that had "rediscovered" teen horror films thanks to Wes Craven's Scream series) and Halloween: Resurrection. The sequel picked up directly after the events of Halloween, and began a retconning of the Michael Myers character to explain his disappearance--Michael was possessed, it seemed, by an evil cult's curse that drove him to kill his family as a sacrifice.

Last year, Halloween saw a new spawn enter the limelight. Director/musician Rob Zombie, who had made a name for himself in horror with his films House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects, was responsible for bringing a new version of Halloween to the screen. The new film has been described as being more of a re-imagining of the Michael Myers legend than a direct sequel to any of the films that have preceded it.

For myself and the Grrls, Halloween is a rather personal film. It has the distinction of being the only film of the slasher genre to be fully approved by the Monster Shop (with the ardent disclaimer that young children should not be allowed to watch) and years after my initial viewing of it, I still find it a scary and excellently conceived film that outshines most of its peers. I was not pleased with the notion of there being a new version of Halloween, nor was I enthusiastic about Rob Zombie as a directorial choice. I had seen House Of 1000 Corpses (or, as I have referred to it, House Of 1000 Texas Chainsaw Massacres) and because of that film I was not moved to view Devil's Rejects at all. I could see that for the most part, Zombie paid more attention to whirlwind, heat and flash than such things as a decent story and discernible plot. By the same token, I was also aware that worse directorial choices existed, such as Eli Roth, whose complete garbage known as the Hostel movies is now part of the horror scene and jump-started the despicable "torture-porn" subgenre of horror. So I would have taken Zombie over Roth any day of the week--at least Zombie loved the original film...

With these things in mind, I have determined to present a look at both of these films and discuss them for our readers here at the Harbinger on this very special day. So let's drag them onto the slab and see what's sticky...

(Warning: there will be spoilers. If you have not seen either film, stop here.)

The Original

The original Halloween tells a simple, uncomplicated story, one that a group of teenage kids might actually have told each other on Halloween night at a get-together. The film opens by showing the murder of Judith Myers by her brother Michael, and we view this through a first-person perspective, which not only adds to the horror but traps us within it: we see what the killer sees. This becomes more clear when the killer dons a mask and we view his perspective through the eyeholes, all the way up to the murder (which, for its time, showed only slight nudity and very little blood, most of it on Michael's hands). We are not given a reason for this murder, and it becomes worse when in the final part of this scene, our mystery killer is revealed to be a six-year-old boy in a clown costume. The shot, of young Michael with bloody hands and bloody knife standing between his middle-class upwardly mobile parents, is not only horrifying but sad, which works well. Horror, at its heart, is a story of tragedy.

Cut to the same neighborhood, 1978, Halloween. Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is a "good girl" who is being stalked by the now-adult Michael Myers (Nick Castle) who has returned to Haddonfield after his escape from Smith's Grove Sanitarium. Myers, in turn, is being pursued by psychiatrist Samuel Loomis (Donald Pleasance) who has had Myers under his care for years, and now describes him as "evil." Because of this, Loomis had planned to have Myers committed indefinitely, but Myers has escaped and returned to Haddonfield, presumably to begin killing again--which he does, in short order. The ghostlike Myers manages to kill Laurie's friends Annie (Nancy Kyes), Linda (P.J. Soles) and Linda's boyfriend Bob (John Michael Graham) before finally catching Laurie in the house she was babysitting in. Despite Laurie's efforts with a knitting needle, a clothes hanger and a knife, Myers is unstoppable, and Loomis is forced to shoot him six times with a gun. Myers falls out of the bedroom window, and Laurie is saved... but they discover afterward that the body is nowhere to be found...

This film, while very stylistic, is kept simple, and shows none of the excesses or machinations that would precede it or other films in the Halloween series. The film's ordinary settings and continuous first-person perspective contribute to the oppressive feel, trapping the audience within the story along with protagonist Laurie, whose "good-girl" attributes and responsible behavior are a sharp contrast to her peers Annie and Lynda. The murders, while shocking for their time, are relatively low on gore, and the nudity is understated as well (in a key scene, when Michael Myers has just killed Lynda's boyfriend Bob and is appearing before her in Bob's glasses and a sheet, the camera actually moves away from P.J. Soles' bared breasts). The score, written and performed by Carpenter himself, is now as familiar to us as Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells" from The Exorcist and contains many jarring electronic notes and effects. The elegance and quietness of this film would sadly suffer in later sequels, but despite the gimmickry and additional gore of these later films in the inevitable Halloween series, the original film still retains a status of mastery among horror fans and students of horror filmmaking.

The Remake

In June of 2006, it was announced that metal musician/horror auteur Rob Zombie would be directing a new Halloween film, a remake of the original 1978 film. Zombie announced that the film would not be a "remake" in the sense of Gus Van Sant's ill-fated shot-for-shot-recreation of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, but instead would combine elements of prequel and remake, delving deeper into Myers' back story and revealing the reason why he wears the mask.

This all looked great on paper. The actual film itself comes across as a strange and sometimes wrongheaded hodgepodge of elements that in many ways seem vastly over-stylized when compared to the simplicity of the remake. Zombie's new film begins by revealing the home life of the young Michael Myers, played by newcomer child actor Daeg Faerch. Instead of the middle-class upbringing we see in the original film, Michael is the product of a white trash family, including Deborah, his loving but helpless mother who works as a stripper in a bar (Sheri Moon Zombie), her disabled, abusive boyfriend/stepfather figure Ronnie (William Forsythe), and his slutty and equally abusive older sister Judith (Hanna R. Hall). The only person in the family that Michael loves, apart from his mother, is his little sister Boo, who (in this film) will eventually grow up to be Laurie Strode. Michael's emotional detachment from the world finally explodes into full-blown psychosis when he brutally murders a classmate who bullies him about his mother's occupation, then kills Ronnie, Judith, and Judith's boyfriend Steve on Halloween night. None of this pays any attention to the fact that the Michael Myers character has already been established in the original film as the product of rather straight-laced whitebread parents, and most of it seems to come from Zombie's apparent obsession with white trash (witness both House Of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects, both of which prominently feature these character types as main characters).

From here, we see an attempted rehabilitation of Michael by Dr. Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), who first appears as an oddly hippie-like figure, then gradually becomes... well, Malcolm McDowell. During this part of the film, Michael is taken to Smith's Grove Sanitarium, where he begins to internalize himself on a cue from a well-meaning orderly (Danny Trejo) who tries to help him survive his incarceration. Dr. Loomis and Deborah try desperately but unsuccessfully to reach Michael, and Deborah finally commits suicide after witnessing Michael's murder of a nurse who insults him. Over the next fifteen years, Michael grows into an enormous hulk of a man (professional wrestler-turned-actor Tyler Mane) who constantly wears various homemade masks (some of which look like wrestling masks--if this is supposed to be an in-joke, it's not funny) and will not speak to anyone. Dr. Loomis gains some fame and notoriety off Michael's case, but eventually he throws up his hands and closes the case, as he cannot reach Michael. Everything goes south in a hurry when Michael, during preparations for a transfer to a maximum-security cell, explodes and kills the sanitarium guards, and later a truck driver to obtain his clothes (which is meant to be an exposition on how Michael got the now-famous coverall). Most of these victims are played by the cast of former '70's grindhouse stars that Zombie had utilized for his last two movies, among them Leslie Easterbrook and Ken Foree, who plays the trucker. On Halloween, Michael shows up in Haddonfield and breaks into his now-abandoned former home, recovering the knife and Halloween mask (you know, the mask) from the night he killed his sister.

After this potentially promising but shaky exposition (I mean, c'mon, Rob, you've really got to get over this thing with white trash), it all becomes mainly the story of Halloween as ciphered through Zombie's viewpoint, which is unfortunately probably the same viewpoint he used when he was a teenage kid watching this movie. Laurie is shown to be without innocence, which ends up polluting the whole theme of good versus evil in the original and traps it in the same milieu as modern "torture-porn" horror, making all the characters reprehensible and leaving the audience with nobody to root for. Her friends Annie and Lynda are without individual personalities, which was also not true in the original, and all of Michael's victims, who were simply killed in the original, are not only killed but psychologically tortured, which is too complex a response from a psychopathic killer who is presented as being almost an automaton. Much of the elements that made the original so completely creepy and supernaturally tinged are screwed up because of Zombie's obsessions with grindhouse film and 1970's trash cinema; the missing tombstone from the graveyard, which added an eerieness to the original film, is marred by Zombie's decision to replace the missing tombstone (which had no replacement in the original) with a totem cross wrapped in the corpse of a dead dog. The scene where Michael kills Annie is a literal aping of the first murder scene in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, all the way down to the sliding door. There is also a lot of what I refer to as Drunken-Monkey-Cam going on in the final third of the movie, which I suppose is meant to heighten the fear, but mostly causes nausea.

In the final scene where Laurie attempts to hide from Michael, she crawls into the wall of the house, and the first word which came to my lips was Saw. This was where the movie fell apart for me completely; there had been numerous and sundry cracks all along, but the whole thing just went belly-up right here. It's one thing when you take a favorite movie (not just your favorite, but one that's everyone else's too) and attempt to remake it into something of your own vision, but it's another thing entirely when you start quoting modern horror movies within it. Plus, Rob Zombie has this weird, weird thing about women crawling on their hands and knees. It happens all through this movie: in the first part where Michael kills his sister, in nearly all the murders of the other female characters, and in this last scene.

Final Conclusion

There's no question about it: the remake is pretty much as bad as the remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, which I haven't ever viewed, actively boycotted when it was released and still won't watch to this day. It is not worth your time, especially on Halloween, and I would either rent or buy the original or watch one of the hundreds of other, better movies out there, some of which the Grrls and I gave you to play with in our posts this month. But if you don't believe me, here's the opinion of a professional. I had an email communication with Southern mystery writer Carolyn Haines about this movie when it came out, and was given this personal review, which is probably the most damning statement of all:

"I went to see that movie, and my response is a big yawn and a roll of the eyes. Zombie has taken a scary movie about a young girl whose psychopathic brother becomes a killer with supernatural power and turned it into a sleazy, boring bloodfest with scenes of murder so repetitive that they are boring beyond belief. In the original, the audience cared about Jamie Lee Curtis. Not so with any of the characters in this re-make. And worst of all, I detected a blatant thread of misogyny in this re-make. Women, all bloody and some nude, crawl and grovel. Every female killed crawls and grovels. Lots of toe jiggling, too. Men's toes jiggle as they die; women crawl and grovel helplessly. Disgusting. Apparently the directors working in this genre today have a difficult time telling a simple horror story. Perhaps they should go back in time to movies like The Innocents or some of the Boris Karloff Thriller episodes. And if a director can't improve on a film, he/she shouldn't be allowed to copy it. You can post this and use my name if you want to--I'm tired of spending my hard-earned cash for a shoddy film."

And so, to quote Mike Mignola's Hellboy, there you go. Now go get the original and see a real scary movie.

Happy Halloween...

A POST FOR THE CHILDREN OF THE CANDY CORN!! By Harriet Von Lupin

ARROOOOOO!! Hey, you guys, this is Harriet Von Lupin, and check this out: we have only got one day left, and tomorrow's Halloween! Can you believe it? Today, I'm gonna do something a little different for you guys-- I'm gonna talk about some history. Now, I'm not all that fond of history usually, 'cause it's all about past events. But sometimes it's cool to look back and see where something came from, and today I'm gonna tell you about the history of something that's always around on Halloween--candy corn!

Candy corn has been around for about 125 years, and that is like a long time. It's one of the biggest sellers at Halloween, and it's so popular that there are even different kinds of candy corn sold for different holidays, like Indian corn for Thanksgiving and reindeer corn for Christmas. (Hey, even bunny corn for Easter!) But what we're talking about is the traditional orange, yellow and white candy corn that you see around Halloween, and this was created back in the 1800's by a guy named George Renniger, who worked for the Wunderlee Candy Company. The Goelitz Candy Company started producing it in 1898 in Cincinnati, and they're still around, but these days they call themselves the Jelly Belly Candy Company, who make the Jelly Belly gourmet jellybeans.

The recipe for candy corn hasn't changed all that much, but the way people do it sure has changed a lot. These days, computers and machines make candy corn, which means that a whole bunch of it can be made at one time, and all year, too, which is why we have all those different kinds now for other holidays. But in the old days, candy corn wasn't made all year; it was mostly produced from March through November, and a batch of candy corn was made by mixing sugar, water and corn syrup into a slurry in big kettles. It also had fondant (a kind of smooth icing) in it, which makes it smooth, and marshmallow, which makes it soft to bite. All this stuff would be mixed up and then when it was the right consistency, it was poured into big hand-held buckets called runners. Each of the runners held 45 pounds of candy.

Then, a lot of guys called stringers would walk backward with the buckets, pouring the stuff into trays of cornstarch that had little molds for each kernel of corn. They made three passes; one for white, one for orange and one for yellow. This was a lot of work! But people loved candy corn, and the three colors were a big selling point, 'cause no other candy at the time was made like that. It was called revolutionary, which is a big word that means really special.

And today, candy corn is really special, because every year people buy so much of it that it's the official candy of Halloween! This year, a bunch of guys called the National Confectioners Association (which is more big words for guys who make candy) say that over 35 million pounds of candy corn will be produced this year! That is like 95 billion kernels! Wow!

And check this out: another bunch of guys called the American Academy Of Pediatric Dentistry (you know, the guys who tell you to brush your teeth) say that as far as causing tooth decay, candy corn isn't any different than a slice of bread. (It's even totally fat-free!) But you should still make sure that you brush your teeth afterward, just like with any other stuff you eat. And one more thing: today is National Candy Corn Day! ARROOOOOO!!!

So grab some candy corn today and enjoy, 'cause you'll be participating in a century-old tradition! And be sure to come back tomorrow for our Halloween Day post! Gee, I gotta go get ready for tomorrow, so I'm outta here! Happy Halloween, you guys! ARROOOOOOO!!!

With much love, Harriet Von Lupin

HALLOWEEN TRICK- OR-TREAT SAFETY FOR HUMANS By Frankie Franken

Hello, everybody! Gosh, it's just two days before Halloween, and what I'm posting about today is really important for everybody. Halloween is a time of year when a lot of people are out and about trick-or-treating at night, and it's been estimated that the accident risk on Halloween for kids is about four times higher than any other day. The other MonsterGrrls and I (and our Mad Doctor, too) want all our kid readers (and other kids too) to stay safe this Halloween and not get hurt. So with just two days before the Big Day, here are some things you can do for Halloween safety.

First of all, when you're out trick-or-treating, make sure you stick to sidewalks, and stay out of the street. When you cross the street, look both ways and check for cars and trucks. (Parents, if you're with your kids, be sure you help them with this, because sometimes little kids can't cross a street without some difficulty.) It's best to cross the streets only at corners, too, and don't hide or cross the street between parked cars.

Make sure that a child's costume is light-colored or has reflective tape on it, so that it can be seen in the dark. Put some reflective tape on bikes, skateboards and brooms, too (for young witches--Punkin reminded me to specially note this), and put names and addresses on costumes. Use face paint for your face rather than a mask that covers up your eyes, and if you do have a mask, make sure your vision isn't altered. Make sure that all kids know their home phone numbers and have change in case they need to use a pay phone to call. If your children use disposable cell phones, make sure they're fully charged and have plenty of minutes in case of emergencies.

Parents should plan the trick-or-treat route, preferably in a neighborhood you know, and stick to it. Carry flashlights with fresh batteries and bulbs for the big night, and since costumes can be very flammable, stay away from open fires or lit candles and pumpkins.

Visit houses that have porch lights on. Accept your treats at the porch and do not go to strangers' houses. When you get back home with your loot, have an adult inspect your candy before eating, and don't let very young children have hard candies that they could choke on. Do not eat candy if the package is already opened. A really good idea would be to plan and have a cool Halloween-themed dinner before going trick-or-treating, so that you don't get filled up on candy and can save some for later.

All of these common-sense applications will help you to have a safe Halloween. I got most of these tips from the American Red Cross; if you click my title link above, you'll find more tips from the Pediatrics section at about.com. Doing a Google search will help you find even more!

See you tomorrow for The MonsterGrrls' 31 Days Of Halloween!

Sincerely,
Frankie Franken

Review Of SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED By Punkin Nightshade

Hey, y'all! This here is Punkin Nightshade, and gorry, we only got three days left on our 31 Days Of Halloween! Today I am reviewin a movin picture called Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. This picture is based on a old spooky cartoon show called Scooby Doo, what is the adventures of a gang of mystery-solvin kids called Mystery Inc., and their talkin hound-dog named Scooby Doo what is plumb scairt of ghosts. There was another movin picture before this one, and this here is the next one after that movie, what they call a sequel. Most sequels ain't as good as the first one, but this one ain't like that.

This picture starts out with Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby Doo, what is the hound-dog, gettin all honored and such at a museum in their hometown of Coolsville. There is an exhibition at the museum what is a bunch of costumes of all the monsters that they have caught in their adventures over the years, and they are attendin the grand openin. Everthing is goin along until this Evil Masked Feller shows up, cause there is always an Evil Masked Feller in Scooby Doo shows, and the Pterry-O-Dactal Ghost costume comes alive and starts attackin folks. The Evil Masked Feller runs off with the Black Knight Ghost and the Umpteen Thousand Volt Ghost costumes, and this nasty reporter lady starts messin up folks' opinions of the Mystery Inc. gang, usin what they call biased reportin, and makin Fred and Daphne feel bad about theirselves and wonderin if they are doin right. Well, there ain't nothin to do but go find the Evil Masked Feller, and the gang all think Old Man Wickles done it, cause he had done it before in another episode, so they go off to the old haunted house that Old Man Wickles lives in and start snoopin around lookin for clues. Meanwhile, Shaggy and Scooby is feelin bad about theirselves cause they goofed up with keepin the Pterry-O-Dactal Ghost from runnin off with all the costumes, so they are tryin to be better detectives, but they're still goofin up cause they can't much help theirselves. Velma is also feelin bad about herself, cause she has always been the smart one and now she is likin the museum curator, and she's worried that she ain't attractive enough to get him interested in her. This is all examples of what they call dramatic subplot.

Anyhow, they find an old book in Wickles' house what is a guide for makin monsters, and then the Black Knight Ghost shows up. They manage to fight him off and get out with the book, and then some more dramatic subplot happens with Velma dressin up in a rubber catsuit tryin to impress this museum curator feller and Shaggy and Scooby runnin off to a nightclub full of villains, tryin to find out if Old Man Wickles done it or not. The gang starts thinkin that this old mad doctor feller what used to be the Pterry-O-Dactal Ghost is the one that done it, but it turns out that he got himself kilt tryin to get out of prison. Eventually they find out that some chemical is responsible for bringin them costumes to life, and that the Evil Masked Feller has built a machine for doin it. Then some more dramatic subplot happens and it ain't long before the Mystery Inc. gang is goin up against durn near ever bad old ghost they ever faced, includin the Pterry-O-Dactal Ghost, the Black Knight Ghost, the Umpteen Thousand Volt Ghost, a Tar Monster Ghost, a Cotton Candy Ghost, Captain Cutler's Ghost who is a glowin feller in a divin suit, and even an old Zombie Ghost what throws up all over folk. The rest of the movie is about the gang feelin better about theirselves and savin Coolsville by puttin a stop to all them bad old ghosts.

There's a mess of actors in this movin picture. Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar is playin Fred and Daphne, and the reason they are so good at it is because they are married up in real life. Linda Cardanelli and Matthew Lillard are playin Velma and Shaggy, and you durn near can't tell the difference between them and the cartoons, especially old Shaggy. Neil Fanning is playin the voice of Scooby Doo, but the rest of him is made up out of that computer animation, cause it wouldn't look right if a drawin of a hound-dog was runnin around with live folks. They also use this computer animation to make up some of the bad old ghosts, too. Peter Boyle is playin Old Man Wickles, Alicia Silverstone is playin the nasty reporter lady, Tim Blake Nelson is playin the old mad doctor feller, and Seth Green is playin the museum curator. There was folks what said this movin picture wasn't all that good, but I thought it was a durn sight better than the first one, cause the first one was doin all kind of mess about all these rumors what have popped up about the Scooby Doo show over the years, such as Fred and Daphne sneakin off durin the clue searchin to get up to didoes. You know, just triflin' stuff, what don't help nobody. But this picture don't do none of that, and is more like a big old Scooby Doo episode, which is probly the way it ought to be. Anyhow, one thing I can tell you is that this picture is probly a good fit for your Halloween celebratin, cause pretty near everbody likes old Scooby Doo and his friends, and them trackin down ghosts and spooks. But one thing I can't tell you is who the Evil Masked Feller turns out to be, cause that would spoil the picture.

So I am done here, and hope y'all like it. Y'all come back tomorrow as we start windin up our 31 Days Of Halloween, and blessings be on everbody who's readin this! Happy Halloween!

Sincerely,
Petronella Nightshade

DIGESTING THE ZEN OF ZOMBIE By John Rose

A friend of mine watches a late-night news show on Fox News called Redeye, which specialty seems to be extremely weird news and rather juvenile-humored commentary on same. It is hosted by a man named Greg Gutfeld, who is exactly the sort of person you wish someone would throw out of Applebee's so that you can get on with your evening. I do not hold this against my friend, as he is a wonderful person otherwise. And it was through Redeye that I first heard about the book that I'm talking about here; The Zen Of Zombie: Better Living Through The Undead, written by Scott Kenemore.

Yes, I'm serious, and apparently so is he. Kenemore's foray into the self-help/humor arena basically uses the modern zombie as the model for his outlined plan of a better lifestyle. It shows that a true zombie knows what it wants (brains) will forge a clear path to acquire its goal (brains), and by determination and single-mindedness, will eventually achieve its goal (braaaainnns). It lists the 24 habits of highly effective zombies (apparently the living don't work nearly as hard, seeing as we only have seven) and in general, recycles most well-known self-help material for satirical purposes.

Now, my general opinion of self-help books is that if you are buying and reading self-help books, you are most likely in dire need of assistance from a real live person with the credentials to do so. But I am sorely tempted to buy a copy of this, if for no other reason than to annoy the hell out of certain people I know. I'll let you know how it goes, but I am afraid that I'm not eating any brains, as they tend to be one of the fattiest organs in the body. Perhaps someone will write a book called The Vampire's Diet. They always seem to stay thin.

POST-MORTEM: If you're into zombie films this Halloween, you can certainly do better than watching Dawn Of The Dead for the hundredth time. Click here to read a post from a Grrl-friend of mine and learn how.

THE VERY OBLIGATORY ZOMBIE POST By Bethany Ruthven

Good evening, darlings, and thank you for reading. There are only four days left before Halloween, and we are counting down with alacrity! Today my topic for our little 31-day overview of the Ghost Wonderful Time Of The Year is a subject that is actually our least favorite subject: zombies.

Zombies are not well liked by us. For my own part, I consider them either (sometimes) decent staff or target practice, and we in the Monster Shop are not amused by the recent unchecked spate of zombie movies currently clogging the video shelves and mental states of the general public. Nonetheless, we too have our favorite zombie movies (oh, don't go all down the nose at me, everyone does), and my purpose today is to share those with you in order to provide an alternative to the more despondent and apocalyptic diatribes out there, such as the new version of Dawn Of The Dead. (Some people will cling to their tortured post-collegiate kneejerk liberal angst.)

Our first is, of course, the true progenitor of the zombie movie, 1932's White Zombie, starring Bela Lugosi. This film is considered the first motion picture to prominently feature zombies, and is a rather simple tale involving a young woman, Madeline Short (Madge Bellamy) and her fiance Neil Parker (John Harron), who are traveling to Haiti to be wed at the plantation of Charles Beaumont (Robert Frazier). Unfortunately for the young couple, Beaumont falls in love with Short and engages the services of zombie master Murder Legendre (Lugosi) to transform her into a zombie love slave. The zombies in this film are true zombies: not the hyperkinetic brain-munching gorehounds of today, but dead bodies that have been brought back to life by evil means who shamble about, eyes wide and staring, unthinking, unfeeling. Those expecting Lugosi to do his usual Dracula shtick will view a master actor at work, and the film itself is a dreamlike foray into darkness. Though White Zombie is not full of scares, it is certainly macabre, and would be a good start for someone wanting to veer off the "eaten path" of the modern undead, as it were. I suggest you shop around for the best version possible, as this film is quite old and has been through several restorations. Do check with your video stores and Netflix for a version released by a company called Roan Group; we hear this version is exemplary.

Next is Hammer's 1966 entry into the zombie arena, The Plague Of The Zombies, which predates the perennial zombie favorite Night Of The Living Dead by about two years. As with most Hammer horror, Plague is Gothic-flavored, and somewhat of a mystery story, which makes for a more interesting if slower and veddy British film. A mysterious plague is killing the residents of a small Cornish village, and medical professor Sir James Forbes (Andre Morell) travels with daughter Sylvia (Diane Clare) to visit former student Peter Tompson (Brook Williams) and his wife Alice (Jacqueline Pierce), who is a friend of Sylvia's. They encounter the brutish and unpleasant Squire Hamilton (John Carson) who more or less runs the town but cannot provide any information for Forbes. Enlisting the aid of the local constable (Michael Ripper), the heroes eventually uncover a terrible plot by Hamilton, who is raising dead villagers as zombies to work in the abandoned tin mine on his property. While this all may seem a bit Masterpiece-Theatreish for newcomers to this film, the scene where a zombie rises from its grave in the local churchyard is as chilling as any shambling Bosco-chocolate-stained undead that Mr. Romero ever dreamed up.

Recently the zombie comedy has taken hold of moviegoers' imaginations, and while most of them are far from funny and generally excuses to wallow in gallons of fake blood and latex gore, there are some exceptions. Our last two entries for today's musings fall into this category: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) and Fido (2006). SOTD was written by the British comedy team of Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, and stars Pegg as the titular Shaun, a slacker whose despondency over the breakup of his girlfriend is interrupted by sudden zombie outbreak. Though unapologetically gory, Shaun shows real wit and excellent comic timing, and may be one of the few films that lives up to the aforementioned genre title. Fido is even stranger, and documents a post-zombie-apocalypse world that has reverted back to 1950's Red-Scare society, where everyone has a zombie in a special tranquilizing collar as a pet, servant or companion (as in the case of one very odd gentleman portrayed by actor Tim Blake Nelson, whose undead female companion proves most unnerving). In the midst of this demented suburban landscape, a young boy named Timmy Robinson (K'Sun Ray) who is rightfully paranoid about zombies receives a new undead friend named Fido, played by Scottish comedian Billy Connolly. Since I've actually been in Glasgow on Saturday night, zombified Scotsmen are not new to me, but Connolly manages to create the first true sympathetic performance of zombiedom with his Fido, who must be protected by Timmy after accidentally eating the next-door neighbor, which begins the obligatory ensuing mayhem.

So there we are: four alternative films for the discerning zombie fan. And I'm sure if you speak to the Mad Doctor, he will gleefully plug Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy, which features demon-possessed zombies. From my point of view, you could do a lot worse. Do return tomorrow to see what's next in store for our final countdown of the 31 Days Of Halloween, and warm felicitations, as always, to all our readers.

Regards,
Bethany Ruthven

POST-MORTEM: There is also a new self-help book based around the lowly zombie. Click here to view the Mad Doctor's post on same. --B.R.

Review Of THE COMEDY OF TERRORS By Frankie Franken

Hello, everybody! Wow, can you believe it's only five days to Halloween? Last night when we were all hanging out at the Mad Doctor's Halloween party, somebody mentioned this film, and I've decided to review it today for our 31 Days Of Halloween post. The Comedy Of Terrors, made in 1964, is one of the old AIP Gothic movies directed by Roger Corman. Most of these were straightforward Gothic horror based on the works of Edgar Allan Poe (a great classic author that we in the Monster Shop all adore), but this film is a departure from those movies, and creates a great blend of comedy and horror.

The Comedy Of Terrors is set in the Victorian era, and tells the story of a hard-drinking undertaker named Waldo Trumbull (Vincent Price) who despises both his beautiful wife (Joyce Jameson) and his senile father-in-law (Boris Karloff). Trumbull has found a unique way to drum up business for his funeral home, which has fallen on hard times. With his ex-criminal assistant Felix Gillie (Peter Lorre), Trumbull sneaks into people's homes and poisons them, then takes on the funeral arrangements to keep himself in business and booze. However, Trumbull's landlord John Black (Basil Rathbone) is demanding rent money, so Trumbull decides to use his new business practice on him and collect all his wealth, despite Gillie's protests. Unfortunately, there's a little problem: Mr. Black won't stay dead, which leads to lots of slapstick efforts in an attempt to put Mr. Black down for the count.

This film is a witty and wacky Gothic comedy with a cast that's a quadruple threat. Rathbone, Karloff, Lorre and Price in the same movie--four of the coolest classic horror actors to ever hit the screen: how could anyone not like this movie? With a great Shakespeare-flavored script by genre legend Richard Matheson, Price very nearly steals the show in his comic-villain role of Trumbull, and Peter Lorre is a great foil for Price as his put-upon sidekick Gillie. If you can catch this one at your favorite rental store, you've got to see it. To quote my vampire Grrl-friend Bethany, this one has my highest recommendation for the Halloween season, and all of the other AIP Gothic movies are cool too, so rent a bunch of them, call your friends and have an Edgar Allan Poe movie marathon!

We're almost to the Big Day, so stay tuned with us for The MonsterGrrls' 31 Days Of Halloween! See you later!

Sincerely,
Frankie Franken

SO TODAY THE MONSTERGRRLS SHOW OFF THEIR HALLOWEEN COSTUMES...

I just want to be clear... I'm not assuming any responsibility whatsoever for this. --M.D.

Review Of MONSTER HOUSE By Frankie Franken

Hello, everybody! We've only got seven days left on The MonsterGrrls' 31 Days Of Halloween, and since the Mad Doctor's busy preparing a Halloween party at the Monster Shop, I'm posting on the Harbinger for Day 24! Today I'm reviewing a goofy haunted house movie called Monster House. This one is a computer-animated movie that just might be the first horror movie made for kids!

Monster House tells the story of D.J. Walters (Mitchell Musso), a pre-teen kid who is spying on the spooky old house across the street in his neighborhood, which is owned by the mean and hysterically angry Mr. Nebbercracker (Steve Buscemi). Nebbercracker, who constantly drives people away from the house and steals kids' toys that are left on the front lawn, finally has a heart attack after one explosive tantrum concerning a basketball that D.J. and his friend Chowder (Sam Lerner) are playing with, allowing D.J. to gain a mysterious gold key. Later, D.J. overhears his babysitter Zee (Maggie Gyllenhal) and her boyfriend Bones (Jason Lee) discussing the house and an often-repeated story that Mr. Nebbercracker did away with his wife. When D.J. and Chowder investigate, they discover that the house is actually alive, and tries to eat anyone who comes near it! It's up to D.J., Chowder, and their partner-in-investigation Jenny Bennet (Spencer Locke) to solve the mystery of Nebbercracker's old house and save their neighborhood.

This film is fast-moving and funny, and strangely enough, it's shot exactly like a horror movie, with plenty of long pauses and jump scares, which is very different for an animated film. Producers Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg and director Gil Kenan have animated this film using performance-capture technology, which was also used in the film The Polar Express. The resulting three-dimensional character construction makes for a thoroughly creepy but funny film-watching experience, though some of the scenes with the house may be a little too intense for very young kids. All in all, this film is a great choice for a Halloween family rental, so check it out!

Don't forget to come back tomorrow as we count down to Halloween!

Sincerely,
Frankie Franken

Review Of TEEN WOLF By Harriet Von Lupin

Hey, you guys, this is Harriet Von Lupin, your roving reporter for The MonsterGrrls' 31 Days Of Halloween, and gang, we are counting down to the Big Day! ARRRROOOOOOOO!! Today I'm doing a movie review, and I've got kind of a weird one for you. This is a movie called Teen Wolf, starring Michael J. Fox.

This movie was a little weird for me because even though it's one of Mad Doc's favorite films, I wasn't real sure about the werewolf end of it. It's like Punkin felt about that movie The Witches when she reviewed it; this isn't how real werewolves act. I'll talk about that in a minute, but first, my review!

The Fox guy is cast as a kid named Scott Howard who kinda has a sucky life; he plays on a lousy basketball team and wants to date this snotty but pretty girl who doesn't even like him, while he's like completely ignoring the fact that he's got a really cute girl right there, who really likes him. Scott wants to be something special, and eventually he finds out that he is; he's a werewolf, in a family of werewolves because his dad's one too. (The scene where Scott's like transformed in the bathroom and then opens up the door and sees his dad there, who's transformed too--that was funny!) Anyway, Scott tries to control the transformation, which doesn't work (I coulda told him that) and his whole school ends up knowing he's a werewolf. He ends up being real popular and stuff, and he gets the snotty pretty girl, but he finds out that there's kind of a price for all this popularity.

Now, like I said, this isn't how werewolves act. We don't have this whole problem thing going on when our Change first hits; we have parties and invite the family. (Sometimes, because werewolf Clans are so big, those parties last for days.) Also, a werewolf wouldn't use his abilities to get popular, which is what Scott does, and he even has this other friend selling T-shirts and stuff for him. This was the stuff that made me, as a werewolf, not like this movie. But there is a really cool message in this movie about being yourself and being true to what you really are, and that was something I did like, 'cause that's what being a werewolf is, and you should always be true to yourself, even on Halloween when everybody's dressing up! (Plus, I'm sorry, makeup dudes, but you got it wrong, 'cause Scott looks more like a Wendigo than a werewolf. I've seen 'em and I know what I'm talking about.)

So if you're looking for a cool werewolf movie for Halloween... well, I hear that Wolf Man thing is good. But like I said, this movie has some pretty good stuff anyway, even though it's not actually a werewolf movie, in my opinion. But hey, that's me. So try it and see. (Hey, that rhymes!)

Love to all you readers, and see you soon for more 31 Days Of Halloween! OWW-WOOOOOO!!!

Harriet Von Lupin

POST-MORTEM: I heard there was like a cartoon show made from this movie, and there was an episode of it on that Youtube thing that Mad Doc likes. It was kinda cooler than this movie, in my opinion. --H.V.L.

Review Of THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS, Or, PARDON ME, BUT YOUR TEETH ARE IN MY NECK By Bethany Ruthven

Good evening, darlings, and thank you for reading our 31 Days Of Halloween. Recently I posted an overview of the Big D (also known to humans as Count Dracula) as he has appeared in films, and someone who is a newcomer to our little Halloween soiree asked me why I had not included The Fearless Vampire Killers (1966) in my list. Simple; the Big D is not in this film. The main vampire in FVK is Count Von Krolock, who reminds me very much of a head waiter I once met while traveling in Prague, oh, years ago. But I digress.

The Fearless Vampire Killers is personally satisfying to me for two reasons; first, it reveals many "vampire hunters" for the annoying and slipshod vigilantes that they are*, and second... well, not to reveal too much about the movie, but the vampires get to unlive instead of being staked off. The film opens on our two "heroes," the doddering Professor Abronsius (Jack MacGowran) and his shy, rather put-upon assistant Alfred (Roman Polanski, who also directed this film) as they enter a small Central European village where the locals perform regular rituals to ward off Those Nasty Vampires. (Honestly, if I had a dime for every time I went into a Central European village and some waiter in a restaurant tried to serve me chicken in garlic sauce... you just can't have a decent vacation in a small town anymore.) Staying at the inn, which is run by the lecherous Shagal (Alfie Bass) who has naughty designs on his busty tavern help Magda (Fiona Lewis), Alfred takes a liking to Shagal's daughter Sarah (Sharon Tate), who immediately becomes the not-so-unwilling victim of Von Krolock (Ferdy Mayne). Krolock also turns Shagal into a vampire minion, which leads to the funniest line in the film: when Shagal tries to turn Magda she attempts to ward him off with a cross, which leads the very Jewish Shagal to laugh, "Oy vey, have you got the wrong vampire!" (Memo to any would-be vampire hunters: know your holy objects and how to use them.)

I also enjoy this film for its delightful atmosphere, which echoes the best of the Hammer horror films, and the farcical elements played against the lavish background provide an interesting contrast. The cast performs excellently as well, and despite my dislike of vampire hunters, Polanski's Alfred is a likable character who is a great straight man for MacGowran's clueless and obsessive Professor Abronsius. The film also does a good job of parodying the more foppish aspects of vampires, as noted in Mayne's aristocratic, patronizing portrayal of Von Krolock and also in actor Iain Quarrier's portrayal of Von Krolock's son Herbert, who has a few designs of his own on Alfred (and I'm not telling, because it's very naughty). One more reason I like this film: it is the only vampire film in existence to have a vampire named Herbert. Good, solid Anglo-Saxon name; none of this over-umlauted Vladivostolikus Transyl-wanian Gothic nonsense. And of course, we are treated to the innocent beauty of the lovely Sharon Tate as Sarah. This charming actress unfortunately met her end at the hands of the Manson "family" four years after this film was released, and through her portrayal of Sarah one is reminded of what a pity it was that she was taken from us so cruelly and soon.

The Fearless Vampire Killers is my personal pick for the Halloween season for anyone who likes a few laughs along with their scares, and has my highest recommendation. Incidentally, I showed this film to a few acquaintances of mine who are vampires, and they didn't get it. (Pedants.) But of course, they never understood why I laughed all the way through the film version of Interview With The Vampire. To each his own, I suppose.

Wishing all of our readers warm felicitations for the Halloween season as always, and do return tomorrow as we continue our countdown for The MonsterGrrls' 31 Days Of Halloween. Tally ho!

Regards,
Bethany Ruthven

*Seriously, if you'd ever woken up from a pleasant day's sleep to find a grubby collection of superstitious peasants with a bunch of crosses and stakes being led by a great swaggering git in leather armor all standing over you, you'd know why I'm adverse to vampire hunters. But thankfully, those are old days gone by. --B.R.